so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
