The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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