Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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