just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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