the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
