Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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