im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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