idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
