So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
