She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
