Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
