The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
