She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
