Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
