Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
