just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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