I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
