I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
