if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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