I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
