i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
