White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
