apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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