I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
