Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
