I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
