So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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