Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who died my cat blue again?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
