Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
