Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
