The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
