Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can I color on your dick again?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
