i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
