Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
