Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
