Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
