is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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