Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
