So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
