if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
