She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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