Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
