Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
