The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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