His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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