found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
