worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
