i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
