WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
