areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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