OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
