just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
pray to the hookup gods
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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