I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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