i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize