the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
