When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
