he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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