i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
