did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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