I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its not stalking. its research.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
