Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
