shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
