I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
