YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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