WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
