I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My ass is underappreciated
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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