He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
