talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
