hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
