god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
