If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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