I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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