that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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