I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i've created a new STD.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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