So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found puke in my bra..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
